SIB will be posting musings, advice, and her thoughts here on a weekly basis. Be warned, this IS a sex column and although there won’t be any steamy visuals (it’s not porn, ya know?) the text WILL be NSFW.
Anal sex is many things to many people, but above most things among heterosexuals, it is usually considered taboo. If he does it right, and she enjoys it, she will probably allow him to do it again (bonus game). However, if he rushes into it, and things go wrong, he can probably forget about ever trying it again with her. He can usually just pray that eventually she will think it was a fluke or he will hope that she forgets how bad it was the first time around. So, what is it about anal sex that makes us so uncomfortable?
Myth #1: Anal Sex Is Always Painful
Anal sex should not hurt. If it hurts, you’re doing it wrong. The anal canal does not produce its own lubricant, so it is imperative that you use a good quality lubricant when attempting anal sex. There are even lubrication products with mild numbing agents in them that can reduce some of the initial discomfort for her. He also needs to remember to enter slowly and be patient – don’t just go forcing it in – she will NOT respond the way you would like her to (trust me!), and you may wind up sealing your fate to never experience it together again. Remember, when it comes to this act, slow and steady wins the race.
By giving her plenty of foreplay and by warming her up, you can help her to relax, which is essential for anal to be pleasurable for both of you. Start by fingering her pussy, getting your finger wet, and then slowly allow your finger to enter her ass. After letting her adjust to the initial feeling, slowly take your finger out and then push it back in again. By priming her and helping her know what to expect, she may actually become more aroused in anticipation, and this will make it more enjoyable for both of you.
Myth #2: Anal Sex is Too Messy and Too Dirty
Anal sex does not have to be messy. Women spend a lot time making themselves look and smell nice for men to entice them and please them sexually. The thought that anal sex make sully that and potentially turn dirty could really upset her and take her out of the mood, even embarrass her. Make sure she empties her bowels at least an hour before starting. If she is still worried, use an extra sheet below you. Also, constantly reassure her that she is desirable to you.
From our youngest years, we are taught that our bums are dirty and “no-no” territory. With simple routine daily hygiene, the anus is as clean as any other part of your body. The anus is delicate and more prone to irritation or scratching than the vaginal wall, so extra care should be taken. It is important to use a condom to avoid any potential infections or bacterial interactions, and also protect both of your from potential STDs or HIV.
Myth #3: Anal Sex Is a Perverted, Unnatural Act
Anal sex is an accepted sexual practice and has been in many cultures for centuries. Long considered a purely homosexual act, anal sex is regularly enjoyed by many heterosexual couples as well. Anal sex is simply another option for sexual gratification. People who engage in anal sex should not worry about how it defines their sexual identity. In fact, many women engage in anal sex with their male partners for sexual pleasure while protecting their virginity, which can be prized in many cultures.
Above all else, anal sex can actually give pleasure to both partners. For some, the fun is in doing something that is “thought of” as “dirty” or against the rules. Many couples simply like to use anal sex as something different to spice up their usual sex life. It is clear that the physical sensations men and women experience during anal sex can be very different than those during vaginal intercourse, but they are also just as intense. The rectum is lined with numerous nerve endings that can signal your brain to release pleasure endorphins when they are stimulated. For women, there is also the pressure that it places against the vaginal walls, and for some women, the climax can be just as intense as it is vaginally. For men, the tightness and structure of the anus can be a very powerful and enjoyable sensation to experience.
In the end, however, some people may never like anal sex. If it turns out that your partner is one of those people, it is important to respect his/her limits. You must decide for yourself what feels natural and what you are comfortable engaging in. If you are uneasy with any sexual act, don’t do it and always be open and communicate with your lover! You are in charge of what you do sexually and that is what can make it such an adventure. I just hope I have given you a little more information to consider it as an option. And remember – Don’t ever apologize for enjoying your natural instincts.
Up until recently, I was adamant. My “back door” was exit only – I had no desire to even try anal sex. But, in a D/s sexual relationship, as a submissive, it isn’t always about what I wanted. As a matter of fact, it rarely was. It was about pleasing my Dom and serving him in any way that he wanted. He knew from the beginning that I was not into anal and didn’t want to try it. But, when he asked me to, I said yes. I did so because I knew it was something he really wanted and it was my place to provide him with that pleasure. It is still something that I am getting used to and only recently began to learn to enjoy. There are more mental aspects of anal that come into play in a D/s sexual encounter that I talk about on my blog as well.