DUDES!

If you haven’t had this conversation with your significant other and you don’t want to have this conversation with your girl, then don’t go to see What’s Your Number. It’s bound to come up when you stop for a pumpkin spiced latte at Starbucks after the movie. And, there’s no answer you can give that will be OK. Unless it’s one, it’s too high. Then, you probably won’t be able to live it down and you’ll be constantly blindsided with it. I mean, probably. There’s a chance something like that might happen.

Anna Faris. Anna Faris, Baltimore gal doing Baltimore proud. Eh… in this instance, it’s kind of like how the Orioles have done Baltimore proud this past season. Not the worst record in baseball, but damn close.

Our sweet little Anna plays Ally Darling. Ally has had a string of relationships (roughly 20) that hasn’t helped her get any closer to settling down. A combination of her sister’s impending marriage, pressures from her mother and a propaganda article in Cosmo that indicates she won’t find a husband if she’s had more than 20 lovers… Lovers. Looovvverrrs. Saying “lovers” sounds weird.

She’s teetering on the brink at 19 dudes and vows not to carve another notch until she’s sure Mr. 20 is Mr. Right. Immediately following that vow she gets drunk and sleeps with her boss.

Her only course of action is to explore the illustrious 20, hoping that one of them has evolved into marriage material. Aided by her handsome, playa-playa neighbor Colin (Chris “The Star-Spangled Avenger” Evans), they hunt down the former flames, all the while, shockingly, bringing them closer and closer together.

That all seems fine. Obvious, but it’s not exactly Inception. That’s stage enough for a fun movie. Make it so.

Unfortunately, it was so terrifically uneven that they couldn’t let the movie run its course, make its jokes and end with a smile. It waffled between goof-ball comedy (Faris’ obvious strength given the fun and enjoyable House Bunny) and straightforward Rom Com. It walked down an uneven and broken sidewalk, tripping and grasping at anything to keep its balance. Ally’s encounters with her exes were terse, abrupt and vanilla bean.

Blythe Danner, Joel McHale, Chris Pratt, Martin Freeman, Andy Samberg, and Thomas Lennon. You’d think with a cast like this there’d be a better than average chance for a really entertaining movie. That’s a solid line up. You have everyone from Captain America to Bilbo Baggins and Jeff Winger to Andy Dwyer. How could it go so wrong?

It was as though they recognized it wasn’t going well and they bailed out. Maybe the tried too hard? It felt like, “Let’s just get this thing over with, push it out and hope for the best. We have star power and the theaters are slim on comedies. We might score a good opening weekend.”

This movie wasn’t too good. There were a scant few moments that approached entertaining. A few odd chuckles did not make up for clumsiness of the entire picture. I was hopeful, but left disappointed. I wanted to laugh. 50/50 was good, but it was about cancer. I needed something funny and forgetful. That has a time and place and fills a need. Instead it was uncomfortable and sad.

You’ll get ‘em next time Anna.

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