SIB will be posting musings, advice, and her thoughts here on a weekly basis. Be warned, this IS a sex column and although there won’t be any steamy visuals (it’s not porn, ya know?) the text WILL be NSFW.
It’s Here! The Holiday’s are upon us. Here are some dating tips for both singles and couples trying to deal with this hectic time of year.
Singles & Couples: Keep your expectations reasonable.
December is just another month like all the others. There may be more opportunities to get out and spend time with friends and loved ones ,but don’t put so much pressure on these events to be anything more than they are. Take each moment as it comes and experience everything in the “now”. To expect fancy jewelry and then be disappointed when you receive an equally beautiful gift is just silly, and definitely not in the spirit of the season. To take a new person you are dating to your family gathering can put a lot of pressure on the relationship too soon and may even ruin a good thing. If a guy you have had your eye on asks you to his corporate party, don’t start picking out your china. This caution is especially critical to keep in mind when planning your New Year’s Eve. Everyone makes such big plans and wants t to be so magical and romantic that we build our expectations up so high that the reality of the night can never live up to our ideas. Then, even when you have an amazing time, if even just one thing doesn’t happen, we wind up feeling let down and sometimes empty, forgetting to take into account all of the good that did happen.
Five years ago a good friend of mine and I went out on the town for New Year’s Eve. I was determined to get a kiss at midnight. We had such a great time just dancing and being silly. Even my most recent ex-boyfriend showed up that night and I was strong and still just went on my own way with my night, avoiding him and his negative issues. But, alas, there was no kiss at midnight. I remember going home feeling sad and that I had failed, forgetting about the fact that I had managed to enjoy myself in front of and in spite of someone who had just torn my heart out and stomped it to the ground only a month before. I forget to cherish my victory because I had set my sights on a chance and a whim. If I had just kept and even keel and let the night unfold, I know it wouldn’t have taken me as long as it has to see that as one of the best nights of my life.
Singles: Don’t give in to the winter blues!
Christmas movies are filled with romantic, happily ever after endings (umm – THANKS FOR NOTHING “Love Actually”!), jewelry stores are hyping up the need for diamonds to be adorning every woman’s left rings fingers (Every kiss does NOT begin with “Kay”), and the weather leads us to want to cuddle and snuggle with hot cocoa and another warm body (“Baby, it’s cold outside”). Even the most independent and smart singles out there find it hard to fight feeling lonely and wanting to share their time with someone.
It is okay to feel a little down from time-to-time this season, but don’t let it turn you into the bitter hermit man or woman. Don’t use this as an excuse to wallow in self-pity or obsess about what is lacking in your life. Instead, keep busy, exercise, get out with friends, experience the weather, reflect on your achievements of this past year, and enjoy yourself. Still think something is lacking? Start to make a plan to do something about it; New Year’s resolutions are right around the corner, so take advantage!
Singles: Don’t bring a random person as a date to the holiday party.
Trust me – I know that no one likes to get all dressed up for a fun, fancy night out on the town only to experience it solo. Don’t let that urge to not be the odd-man-out mess with your mind. If you feel like you are the type of person who HAS to bring a date to the holiday event, make sure you know in advance what you are getting into. If you find yourself about to go stag, but can’t bear it, bring a good friend who you know you can fun with and will enhance the experience. Especially if it is your company party, the person who you bring with you will be a reflection on you.
Two years ago, this guy I worked with was cold calling a bunch of girls he had met to bring to our company holiday party. He said he wanted someone who would look good in a dress so that people would be impressed with his taste in arm candy. When they arrived, I must say I was a little surprised at how pretty his eventual date was. She was almost model-like as she strutted in, wearing a beautiful dress that even I coveted. However, his plan quickly went south after a couple of trips to the open bar. She proceeded to dance very provocatively with a few different men on the dance floor, none of whom were her original date, spilled red wine on the white dress of our Executive VP, and left a trail of puke coming from the bathroom. She even garnered the nickname from many other co-workers as Prom Queen From Hell. He was mortified and lost the respect of a lot of his co-workers, which is a critical commodity in the office. His story is still told as a cautionary tale by HR and he doesn’t work here anymore.
That’s all from me for now. Let’s share some steamed eggnog soon, okay?