SIB will be posting musings, advice, and her thoughts here on a weekly basis. Be warned, this IS a sex column and although there won’t be any steamy visuals (it’s not porn, ya know?) the text WILL be NSFW.
Since I have opened myself up to trying to get back into the dating scene over the past year, I have seen a lot of strange things. It seems as though so many of the “rules” have changed and the dynamics are completely turned around. Although the landscape is confusing sometimes, I am still enjoying the journey. This will be the first of a series of articles that tries to explain what I am seeing around me. Now, you should know that I don’t believe in generalizing, but for the sake of clarity and maybe a little bit of fun, I will have to do a little bit of that with this series.
Sometimes, as I look around the interwebs, I have noticed that there is something that hasn’t changed that I can’t comprehend. So many people seem to think that “drama” is a regular part of a relationship and just something they are supposed to endure. Let’s take a look at these the two main types of these drama lovers that, interestingly, can usually be found together.
Women Who Create Drama
I know what women are thinking: “How dare she insult certain women like that? We need to stand together!” and I agree. I hate to insult these cohorts of ours, but I cannot deny (and neither can any of you) that they exist. We all know who we are talking about, too. The girl who is always the one we are trying to wrestle her phone from when she tries to drunk dial an ex. Or the girl who we constantly have to remind that slashing the tires of the co-worker she hates may get her fired. I challenge any woman who has ever had a larger circle of female friends to tell me that they don’t know at least ONE train-wreck. There are numerous reasons that may cause the instability of a woman in this category. Maybe she thrives on being the damsel in distress and relishes the idea that her prince will save her. Maybe she thinks that being bossy or demanding will get her what she wants (hint: it won’t). Maybe she hasn’t had people with healthy relationships in her life to show her how things really could be. Whatever the reason, it is apparent that pop culture, and sometimes society, will have you believe that this is how all women are when it comes to love. Unfortunately for the many more of us women who do NOT join in these reindeer games, we are usually stuck with this stereotype being placed upon us too.
Men Who Chase Crazy Women
I know what men are thinking too: “We do not like crazy women – they come after us – we are the victim!” which, sometimes may be true. But again, we all know a guy who has not only had his share of crazy ex-girlfriends, but somehow he has a slew of them. We also know the guy who fights with his girlfriend on a weekly, maybe nightly, basis and yet they stay together. The seemingly normal guy who has a great girlfriend (one of us!) and then for some reason goes crawling back to the ex who can’t pay her bills and texts him in the middle of the night (sometimes the same girl we were trying to stop in earlier in this article). Just like their counterparts in this article, their motivations for chasing unstable relationships are varied. Some of these men want to be the hero; they have an emotional need to be the savior for these misguided maidens. Some of these men have low-self esteem and do not believe they deserve any better. Sadly, some men even tend to think that if she is crazy in life, she must be crazy during sex. I can guarantee you on the last one – there are a lot of women willing to be freaky in the sheets that you won’t have to worry if she will key your car because you talked to a waitress.
I can say that being friends with people who fall into the categories here, I have tried before to save these men and women from their destructive many a time. Sometimes, it has worked and I am happy to report, some are now in healthy happy relationships. But, most go back to their dysfunctional lives, thriving on the chaos that they leave in their wake.
Although I don’t have answers or solutions, this is what I see in the dating world today. I would love to wake-up all of these emotional masochists and inform them that life simply does NOT have to be that way. Relationships are not easy and they are hard work, but they aren’t supposed to be miserable. If your bad days outweigh your good days, it is time to do something about it. I’m not saying that you need to break-up or divorce, but some self-improvement work or therapy should be seriously considered.