Forget the pricey tickets, the designer wellies and the portaloos that give Trainspotting’s “worst toilet in Scotland” a run for its money, festivals are ALL about the headliners! Although there may be times when we don’t agree with the top choices of the Eavis’ or Geoff Ellis, could we do any better? The Gutter HQ team pick the artists who would top the bill if they had their say . . .

David Bowie

Nowadays, The Thin White Duke has toned it down, but I have a request; dust off the turquoise suit, bring back the Ziggy Stardust face paint and back-comb until you get Labyrinth-style hair . . . just gimme a stage spectacle of Bowie days gone by to match the lyrics that have entranced me on public transport to the point I end up in France without realising!

(Laura Maxwell)

Red Hot Chili Peppers

The Chili’s were one of the first bands I really go into when I was younger and the first I saw play live. The band have a unique ability; to include each and every member of their audience (no matter how big or small) in their performance and make them feel involved simply by doing what they do best!

(Victoria Adams)

Kanye West

The King of festival controversy; the announcement of West as a Glastonbury headliner this summer sparked furious debate and saw the launch of a petition to stop the rapper’s slot going ahead (the signatures currently sit at over 130, 000 names). Who would they wish in his place?! A rock band? Keane or Coldplay, probably. Mr Kim Kardashian has the sales, success and swagger to back up his place as headliner, and his Glastonbury¬†slot will hopefully act as as the catalyst for the death of “rock bands for rock festivals”; an idea which has been given life for far too long.

(Jaq Inglis)

Sex Pistols

The original (and best!) punks! Johnny Rotten and Co paved the way for the bands of today in terms of the kind of controversy that lies at the heart of true rock ‘n’ roll! I would love to see them headline a festival; their old-school, punk power would transport fans both old and new to the roots of modern rock.

(Victoria Adams)

Marvin Gaye

Who can make us boogie better than Marvin Gaye?! All we need to do is convince Michael Eavis or Geoff Ellis to turn the light down real low and pass out the (free) wine! You take, Eavis and leave Ellis to me!

(Laura Maxwell)

Queen Of The Stone Age

An obvious choice, undoubtedly but there are just too many reasons to include them! Heavy enough to rock out to, but party enough to partayyyyy! “Songs For The Deaf” in full is a winning headline slot in itself . . .

(Jaq Inglis)


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