What’s up with men these days? Huh? Certainly not their cocks.

In the past year I’ve noticed a disturbing trend. The guys I feel most compatible with for relationships just can’t seem to get it up or keep it up. Maybe it’s just me, but why is that the men I think we would be good for me, men closer to my age, seem to have so much trouble keeping it up? I turned to the Internet for some answers after some recent disappointments between the sheets.

First there was the guy I’ll call “Bale” because of his striking resemblance to Christian Bale (and because it is a lot like “bail” as in “to bail). He was very good-looking, had a decent body and a great sense of humor. We met in a crazy way—I will leave it at that because I really like him and don’t want to give away his identity. We talked for weeks and finally had our first date. It was off-the-charts awesome. The attraction for both of us was the kind where you can hardly look at each other because you like each other so much. I was really excited to see him again. He was a maybe too excited. (more SEX after the jump!)

A few days later, Bale showed up at my apartment and we immediately began kissing. I probably should have stopped him, but I was dying to kiss him, too and more. At this point in my life, I love courtship, but I don’t believe in playing games. After all the weeks of talking before, I felt as though getting physical with him wasn’t stupid, but I was wrong. Within seconds of getting his pants off, it was all over—me, the floor, my sheets. He was embarrassed. I was disappointed but willing to forget about it. He said it had been a while since he’d been with a woman. I tried to let him know it was no big deal, but after briefly cuddling with me, he made up some reason to leave and off he went.

A few days later I texted him to let him know how much I liked him and wanted to see him again. He texted back that this “wasn’t a good time in my life,” and we haven’t spoken since.

There was Cooper. Cooper, a former colleague from a few years ago, was a mutual crush. When we met for the first time at our office, everyone noticed the sparks flying between us. One of my co-workers, an older lesbian who took note of everything said, “You two should get a room,” when he was leaving to return to the other office where he worked. We were only 40 miles away (he worked in our DC office, I worked here in Baltimore), but it took us almost three years to take her advice.

When he showed up to my place, we dispensed with the pleasantries and got down to business. I probably shouldn’t have had the two and a half glasses of wine before he came, but he encouraged me to drink more, so I did. I now know why. He could barely last a minute, though he tried four times over the course of the night. He tried to compensate by using his hands a lot. I didn’t hurt during this ordeal, but the next day and for a week afterwards, my lady parts were sore and swollen. I think we can remain friends, but lovers? I think not.

Back to my research. It turns out that when men, especially over the age of 35, don’t have sex on the regular, they lose their ability to have it. The study, conducted in Finland, found that men who had sex at least once a week had better erections and were able to stave off loss of erections more effectively than men who didn’t get it on at least once a week. This is significant, but the study’s average participant was 59. The two guys I’m talking about? Both in their 30s!

According to another study, men under the age of 40 with erectile dysfunction are more likely to have problems in the sack due to psychological reasons. Researchers at Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health found that while some guys may have low testosterone which can account for some of the problem, most of the ED found in younger men is all in their head. Sadly, unless a guys addresses whatever problem is bothering him, he may not get beyond this problem.

It’s probably why I, if I want to get any action, should just stick with the younger men who avail themselves to me a lot. They may not be husband material or have long-term potential, but at least we can both get something out of it. Namely, sex!

Now, being a sex columnist and a woman of experience, I have been happy to school the younger guys all they want. But I’d be just as happy to be patient and kind with the right “older” guy, too. I understand that dating a sex columnist can be a bit intimidating, but it doesn’t have to be. In this post-“Sex and The City” world, men sometimes forget that women still prize love and a relationship over all the crazy sex in the world. And if we really like you, not to sound too much a like a dude, we’ll wait.